Guatemala, Dad and God

When you wake up early or even late and you have this thought in your head, some idea, well you really need to get it down. Get it down on paper, or as we do in today's world, capture it in some form of electronic media.

I woke up thinking about my being here in Guatemala, my dad and God. Yes all these thoughts they are all connected. My dad was good man and a man of God. I was born the son of a Presbyterian minister. My dad was truly, in all senses of the word a man of God. His humanity was intact in that he had doubts. It is in those doubts he had, that I hold him in great awe.

I did not then, nor now share his religious beliefs. What my dad and I did/do share is that connection to something far greater than man alone can be. The existence of God within.

Many faiths introduce their children to their beliefs at an early age. The children are conditioned to believe in something that they have no capacity to understand decide or otherwise. 

This is conditioning. 

They grow up as adults believing what they where told to believe and do so without question. They have been conditioned to believe.

But have they traveled down that road of  uncertainty? 
Have they questioned what has been told to them?
Have they come to their own conclusions? 

The rote system of learning has conditioned them not to do this, not to question. The have been indoctrinated.

My personal experience of God is that God is within me. 
To get to this personal conclusion I struggled.
I went through doubts. 
I questioned.
I challenged.
I disbelieved.


My belief in God is recent. 
It is also beautiful, pure and free of other thoughts. 

I feel a connection to God. 
I need no church or edifice to worship or connect with God. 
I need no priest or minister to be that middle person.

My father shared this great connection as well. 
He also had his doubts, his period of disbelief.
It was within his journey that he needed to share this experience with others. He did what he believed in and became what he was, a teacher in the ministry of God. He was really good in what he did.


I came to Guatemala to learn a language and that is ongoing. What happened on my journey, my quest, was that I found my heart. What I also found was a greater connection. A greater connection to God. 

I would like to share a short personal story to illustrate what I mean.


In 1997, when I was still placing paint to canvas I had this uncontrollable urge to paint some pyramid shape with small box like structures in the foreground. I could not get it out of my mind. 

So as I always did, I built a frame and over it I stretched a canvas. 

I had this painting table I had built. I am tall and like to paint a canvas standing up where the canvas lays semi flat. I prefer it that way as I liked lots of washes and I could could control the flows easily.

I sized the canvas with a mix of white paint and glue. If you paint you know this makes the canvas tight, just like a drum. It also gives you something to paint against. Otherwise bare canvas will suck your paint away, lines undefined blotched irregular.


I had made some sketches of this shape that I wanted to produce. 

My usual condition when painting something new was that I would stare at a canvas waiting for something to happen. It was like a sculpture waiting to be released from the stone.

This time this was very different. 
This time the shape had captivated my being, my very existence. 

I had made some sketches to follow, but used none of them. It was like something else was in control, something greater was placing the paint to canvas. The whole thing was completed so very quickly. It was finished without changes. 

When I finished it I felt relieved and I put it somewhere and forgot about it entirely.

**********

In 2010 on my first visit to Guatemala I thought I was coming to learn a language. Guatemala being the least expensive and easiest place to learn Spanish all I needed to do was find the right location and the right school. I chose Quetzaltenango or Xela (Shay-la) because of its elevation (2330 metres) and because it was that cradle of culture. That focus on learning and a large population of indigenous people where all factors I felt I somehow needed and where important.


I remember sitting in a bar within Pasaje Enrique, enjoying a cervesa and reviewing some of the pictures I had taken on my tiny point and shoot digital camera. 

I remember one that made me say "what's that?" 

I remember moving the frames backward to see it again. 

The image startled me beyond reason. 

There captured in the tiny frame was something totally impossible. There captured was my picture, the one I had painted some 13 years before.

I remember saying out-loud to myself feelings the shivers running down my spine, "this can't be." I was visible shocked.


When I painted that picture back in 1979, I had absolutely no knowledge of Guatemala, except it was some place on a map.

I had never seen any picture of the Volcan Santa Maria before.

Yet there it was on my camera and there is was somewhere in Canada as a painting I had done some 13 years before. 

This was truly impossible. 
Yet now it was very real and yes very possible.
It happened.

So what does this all mean? 
Well whatever your conclusions are, I believe that I was meant to come here. I believe that the seed was sown within me back in 1997. It was a hint from something greater. My connection to God was now becoming very real. It was scary.


What I do here in Guatemala is help people. I do not belong to any organized group to do that. I have several projects on many different levels and that seems to be expanding.

I prefer to find the people that I feel need assistance in some other way. Something far greater than I am is guiding me.

I was meant to come here to do this. Not to save souls but something far greater.

Now I know. 
God is within me and so is my dad.



 

Unconditional Love

I came to Guatemala to learn a language and instead I found my heart.

What I discovered was that true love has no conditions. 

Life and love is no longer about whats in it for me. Nor has it got anything to do with the concept that "you have to love me, if I love you." 

Love I have discovered is all about giving. 

Giving from the heart. 

I have been through several relationships in my life and each served its own purpose of discovery. Its own journey of love.

Now without judging anyone, it is easier for me to recognize the struggles that others have with the apprehension and intimacy of loving. 

I can discern and accept and understand that love with conditions exists for some. But is it love they are experiencing, or fear of losing?

Could it be they have insecurities embedded within? 

That this fear of loss is confused for love. Loss or loss of control or loss of power. Without overcoming this unstable internal confrontation, true love can never be given from the heart. My own personal odyssey attests to this.

It takes time and patience and giving without conditions to understand the true value of love. 

It was the people of Guatemala that allowed my heart to open so very wide. The participation of giving changes you. None of this can happen without the will to be free. 

I will tell you one thing, loving this way feels great and it has to be good for you. 

I love without conditions. 

me encanta sin condiciones.

I recently found this link and you may or may not like it. Never-the-less it is my blog and I offer you to take a look.

http://about.me/heartquestguatemala

Guatemala Marmalade

When I was a young lad growing up in Wales, everything we consumed was fresh. Veges where fresh, meat was purchased daily, milk magically appeared delivered from somewhere in glass bottles the cream resting on top.

My mother worked miracles in the kitchen, baking bread and creating tasty meals. I often remember hanging out and watching her in my young minds magical way. There was this large earthenware bowl she used. Peeled oranges where all over that kitchen table, a jug of sugar and all those jars. Out of this came the best marmalade I have ever tasted.

I now live somewhat similar to my youthful days of per-refrigeration. I go to a market every two or three days and purchase fresh veges and fruit. There are butcher shops available in the market where I can buy chicken, ground beef, liver or pork. People have commented to me on this as to whether that is safe to buy or not. My answer is that most meat here is freshly butchered and not sitting in some deep freeze for weeks or months on end. The animal was alive yesterday or the day before.

A chicken leg with back attached, or a 1/2 lb of ground beef or pork sausages enough for a meal costs me around $1.20. I can buy a whole (8 lb) chicken for about $ 4.00. As for the latter I need some way of keeping it cool after I cook it, so I usually buy the smaller portions instead.

A whole large broccoli costs 67 cents, a pound of small firm potato's 20 cents, eggs are 13 cents each, a  freshly baked loaf of wholewheat bread 80 cents, the list goes on. I buy powdered whole milk which is fortified with vitamins for $ 2.80 enough to last two weeks. Spices are inexpensive and I sometimes use powdered soups as the basics for sauces and gravies.

My kitchen is basic with a two burner electric hotplate, a toaster and a blender. I do have a pela in my kitchen area. Check out these pictures to see what I mean.

http://www.google.com.gt/search?q=pila+washing+sink+pictures&hl=es-419&client=firefox-a&hs=id4&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=np&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=VTRDT67_JsGbgwf4roHMCg&ved=0CCQQsAQ&biw=939&bih=358#hl=es-419&client=firefox-a&hs=0LP&rls=org.mozilla:en-US%3Aofficial&channel=np&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=pila+sink+&oq=pila+sink+&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=12&gs_upl=18503l24006l2l25523l13l13l4l0l0l1l241l1639l0.8.1l9l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=aa6e28b34260b2d7&biw=939&bih=358

While a pela is meant as multiple use washing sink, I also use mine to keep my beer cool.

Here in Xela, Guatemala finding treasure tastes from my past is very difficult. There are all sorts of strawberry and pineapple jams, there is honey and I have seen those peanut butter spreads the ones I avoided while living in Canada. These are the ones laced with icing sugar for sweetness and taste. With some diligence I actually found a sweet version of marmalade.

Then one special moment I remember finding a marmalade imported from Spain. It is very close to what my mother created those many years ago. I suspect some Spanish spy must have been gazing through our family kitchen window and copied my mothers secret.

Yes I buy it and yes its good. But more than the taste it brings back all those special moments and memories I had watching my mother in that kitchen making the best tasting marmalade ever created..

FAUX PAS

FAUX PAS

Falling and losing ones balance and in the process preventing one self from falling and blundering in the process. That is exactly the truth of the matter. But truth here is not at odds. It is cultural differences. 

What saved me practically has ruined me. In the process of gaining balance flailing arms reach out and the derriere of one of Guatemala oldest virgins is touched. She should have liked it! 


In the process of rectifying everything I have apologized five times, not more than that. In fact it seems a daily event.

Is it something in my use of Spanish or their belief that my grope was intentional?  Perhaps in Guatemala a maidens status as untouched is important. But in to-days reality that is hardly the case or an issue.

So here online I am once again apologizing. 

I am sorry 

 It was an accident

There was no intent to do this

An incident best forgotten to be placed in the bowels of time. The lower realms of reality. Your derriere is just not one I lust after.

Believe me with my experience of life I look to a derriere with more earthly attributes. 

• Derriere's with travel experience. 
• Derriere's with life experience. 
• Derriere's more touched than untouched. 

So getting to the bottom (no pun intended) of this issue, to be perfectly honest your derriere Senorita is a derriere that just does not fit into my idea of a derriere to be touched. 


What binds all this past thinking together, is that machismo attitude that we may always look but never touch before marriage. 

Of course afterwards that does not really change either, with wives as chattel rather than holding any equal status. They must ask their husbands permission to do anything outside of the home. 

To me this is a step into a distant path that our countries (north of Mexico) have evolved from. Women and men hold equal status in Canada. 

A derriere there accidentally touched would have perhaps provoke a slap, a smile or on the first apology everything would be settled and forgiven. 


But not in Guatemala. Here, there are strong cultural differences, that block any equality between women and men. Here a struggle exists for that equality where women and children are brutalized by husbands locked in ancient traditions. 

The slap of a derriere is thus an insult on the very fabric of these people who ideas are held in distant times. It takes change to make more change.


The next step in this archaic attitude will be either a visit from the police or a mob ready to hang me.


Again I am truly sorry for whatever this mishap has caused you.

It was an accident and I had no intent to slap that "untouched" derriere. Yes the very through of doing it is against my lowest thinking. I am now all bottomed out for excuses.

CALMING DOWN in 2012

It has calmed down here a bit. Although here in Guatemala it never ever gets really quiet or calm. This is after-all Guatemala with its own brand of calmness.. a sort of noisy calm. The fireworks still happen.. in moderation. 

Someone somewhere once said everything in moderation. Moderation is good for you. If  you stay here any length of time you will understand what moderation means. 

I am staying at Cafe Nim Suthttp://www.hostalnimsut.com with a claim for the best terrace views in Xela. If you do not visit this place at least once while visiting Xelahttp://www.wicke you are missing out on a lot.  

Aside from the view "Cafe Nim Sut and Hostal" has what few hostels have, thick walls. Quality of sleep can suffer in other places with those paper thin walls. That calmness needed at night.

Xela feels like home to me now. At an elevation close to 8000 feet the air is dry and thin. It does take a little time to get used to the elevation. You can of course while here, opt for a different view by hiking up Santa Maria the now dormant volcano that sits 10 kilometers just outside of Xela. From 12450 feet the view is exhilarating and can give a sense of great calm.


My story with Santa Maria is somewhat odd. Last year while reviewing some pictures that I had taken, I happened upon one that truly amazed me. It actually sent shivers down my spine.  

Thirteen years prior I had painted that volcano without ever seeing it. I had no idea of its existence and in fact I had no knowledge of where Guatemala was except as some place on a map. 

So was I here before, in some other lifetime, or parallel universe, or quirk in time, or was I meant to be here? I have no answer to that at all. But when I look at Santa Maria from my bedroom window it does give me a sense of calm. Perhaps we have a history?


Visit Guatemala as the world is ending soon... The Maya people used a baktun http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baktunt  that measured time on what is called a long count calender. This baktun is the last or thirteenth baktuns. 

The number thirteen played with some importance with the Maya people.  That number 13 has that connection with me as well with that painting I created.  

Fear mongers have it that the world as we know it, will all end December 21, 2012. So if you want to see all of what Guatemala has to offer and yes of course experience Guatemala's calmness, at least do it before the world ends. After 12-21-12 nothing will be calm ever again.

Guatemala's Beggars in the streets

It was just before Christmas in 2011 and I can and I wonder as I pass the beggars in the streets who will help them on Christmas day?  I pass and drop change or a bill into their hand or bowl. I give only to women that crouch with small children now. The men will drink it.

In Xela there is a beautiful (gold adorned) Iglasia. The gold originally came from Guatemala, looted years ago by the Spanish shipped off to Spain and then returned through the generosity of the Roman Catholic church to Igalsias here.

The beggars sit near the Iglasia (church) entrance.

They are invisible to most people.

They are invisible to the church that teaches the Christian story of love and giving... 

Christmas. 

A time of giving and caring for your fellow man or woman.

A time for families to join together in celebration of what they believe in.

 "Beggars why are they left this way?"

Esperanza

Esperanza or Hope can be and is many things to many people.
To a fourteen year old and very frightened little girl hope is something far removed from reality.

I learned about her through a friend I have that helps people that really need help. He is a sort of ordinary man to look at and to speak with, but Roland is a very special person. He is like an angel in the darkness. Searching through newspapers and other sources he finds homes for people, supplies food and medicine and this time through some newspaper article he found this child.

When I saw the photographs I knew that I had to travel with him to see this girl. Her prognosis is not good with the cancer rapidly advanced and she will die without some form of intervention.

I need to help in some way.. and I will update this for you.

Please pray for her.

Updates are sometimes difficult to write about. I wanted this to be a happy update. I wanted to say yes that she is better and be happy saying that. Her prognosis was never very good. But I had hope it would be better.

This story will end soon as she will. Her short life stolen away. She has been sent to a special place to end her days there. She is dieing. She is dieing and I feel so helpless with these words. She is dieing as that beast of a desease steals her future.

Please prey for her.